Introverted as it is
By: Rosaline Dou
What’s the imagery or key words you think out of when you hear the word “quiet” or “introversion”? How do you define yourself as an introvert, extravert, or an ambivert?
It is inevitable that the definition of quiet and introversion will differ from person to person. I am not an expert in this field in any way, but I want to offer some of my ideas from the perspective from a quiet and introverted person.
In this reflection, I want to explore and provide an insight into the different types of introverts through different individuals’ personal scope along with interviews with them.
Quietness and introversion relate to each other, but do not necessarily have to tie with each other closely. If some words were able to speak out for themselves, I wonder whether “quiet” and “introversion” will be tired of each other.
I cannot define what quiet or introversion are, but I can definitely say that they – we – are not shy, strange, or awkward
There have been controversies about the definition of the words in academia. The American Psychological Association Dictionary of Psychology provides an insight that: Introversion is an orientation toward the internal private world of one’s self, thoughts and feelings, rather than toward the outer world of people and things. Introverts are relatively more withdrawn, reserved, quiet, and deliberate; they may tend to mute or guard expressions of positive affect, adopt more skeptical views or positions, and prefer to work independently.
No two snowflakes are ever exactly alike.
Just as there are no two identical leaves in the world, each of us is different.
And just as there are no two identical leaves in the world, each introvert is different.
I can say for sure that there are no absolute introverts and no absolute extraverts either. On a spectrum that has introversion and extraversion at both ends, every single one of our diverse personalities would fall somewhere in between.
Introverts can in fact be classed into four subtypes: the Social, Thinking, Anxious, and Restrained introverts. These subtypes are described in the STAR model proposed by Wellesley College psychology professor, Jonathan M. Cheek along with his graduate students, Jennifer Grimes and Courtney Brown.
On a scale from 1-10, how would you describe your quietness/introversion? On this scale, 1 means the respondent finds interacting with people ‘excruciating’ while 10 means respondents find interactions ‘enjoyable’.
This is the very first question I will ask myself and each of the interviewees to see how they define their level of quietness and introversion.
I also adopted a test devised by BuzzFeed that uses the STAR model to test out what types of introversion myself and each interviewee are.
See the link below for the test: https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/kellyoakes/what-kind-of-introvert-are-you
Self-Reflection:
Identity card:
Social introvert + Thinking introvert
Scale introvert: 6
I am expected to be an outgoing girl.
My parents, my dad especially, had always wanted me to be a more extroverted girl. Extraversion seems to be related more with bright, lively, and cheerful.
But I am a quiet girl, through and through. For some reason, though, being quiet has become associated with words like strange, weird, awkward, and insignificant. I am trying to be the girl my dad always wanted me to be and pretending to be an outgoing girl. I am “acting” extroverted as how I understood that word at the time. I tried to have conversations with a lot of people, to be bright and happy all the time, and to do more running and jumping than walking or sitting—to be more active.
I never doubted who I really was until an accident promoted me to think about who I actually want myself to be.
I was ten years old when, during a fire drill, I fell to the floor, my face colliding with the cold linoleum as crowds stampeded over me, unaware or unwilling to stop. My front tooth broke loose, piercing my lips. I still have a scar there, just on the edge of my lip and skin, but the real scars are internal.
Due to my missing front tooth, I had a speech impediment. People laughed at me, and my voice volume got lower and lower as time passed. It is no exaggeration to say that I didn't even know how to speak sometimes, my mouth unable to form the words in my brain. I felt I had lost something essential to myself, and I had no clue how to present myself in most situations, my fingers knotting nervously in my pockets. In a demonstration class, the teacher required students to introduce themselves. Almost everybody spoke their names out loud, except for me. I could only whisper my name: “My name is…my name is…” Teachers let me repeat myself twice before skipping my introduction, not knowing what else to do.
Even after the dentist fixed my tooth, I always felt as though it were still missing, some phantom absence, some lost part of myself. I wonder sometimes who I would have been, if I hadn’t fallen to the floor that day, hadn’t sat up with a bleeding lip and little white stone in my hand, a small bloody fragment of what used to be a part of me.
I was getting quieter. I saved my words, held my tongue, and spoke only to the winds when I was alone. A lot of times,I just sat at the school playground alone, or walked listlessly around the running track lap after lap.
I kept this way of being quiet. I think I enjoy it more than trying to fit in with everybody by being the girl that always has a smiling face and gets actively involved in various activities.
Quietness followed me years after years.
It followed me when I grew up with the scar inside of me and on the edge of my lip; it followed me when I began to study abroad in the US.
Once in my mentor group, my mentor asked each of the mentees to write one adjective to describe each other. She then gave each of us one post-it note. When I got my notes, all I saw is “kind,” “kind,” “kind,” “nice,” “kind?” “nice!” “nice?” “nice!” I was surprisingly disappointed. Nobody actually knew me outside of the stereotypical Asian girl. The descriptions never went beyond words like nice, kind, and quiet.
I began to think of what quiet meant to myself and to other people, and whether there are any differences. I struggled with all different definitions of quiet around me, and who I really am, or who I want myself to be. In other words, I am still struggling.
I am not striving to get any sort of answer here. Instead, I find comfort in the familiar struggle as it provides a chance for me to grow and evolve, and not live day after day in an endless loop.
Finally, I just want to share how I let all my thoughts unwind from myself, just let them be. I think accepting my quietness might come from my father’s growing acceptance of me being a more introverted person than he expected me to be. It might also be how I accept the various strugglings happening in me about my identity.
Interview Reflections:
Identity card:
Anxious Introvert + Social Introvert
Scale introvert: 8
What is your definition of introversion?
You got the result of “Anxious Introvert” and “Social Introvert” from BuzzFeed test. What do you think of the result? Do you think it describes you accurately?
Does your introversion present any difficulties when speaking to authority figures or family?
experience with quietness and introversion with authority figures
experience with quietness and introversion with family and friends
How do different parts of identity shape you? The part of identity that your parents bring with you or within the culture of conventional quietness and what your environment brings you with more expressiveness, more extroverted identity.
feeling about two parts of identity bring by parents and friends
Are there any difficulties or different experiences you have as a quiet/introverted person in social occasions? In classroom/workplace settings?
experience with large group of people
Is there a gendered component to these difficulties? What are some of the difficulties you have faced? How does gender influence them?
gender component to quietness and introversion
You kind of mentioned as you grew up more, you feel more comfortable with things or just let it be. I wonder how you feel about that experience you had or are having?
age component with introversion and quietness
How much do you think people around you, such as your family, coworkers, and friends, accept you as an introverted person? Do you think you are seeing more acceptance to be more introverted?
acceptance as a introvert or quiet person
more acceptance of introversion
Identity card:
Social Introvert + Thinking Introvert
Scale introvert: 7
What is your definition of introversion? What does quietness or introversion mean to you?
“I think introversion and quietness are two words that are very self-explanatory. The most distinctive feature is that you wouldn’t actively express yourself, in terms of emotion and opinion. I am a very passive person. I will only express myself when there are people asking me.”
“As for what quietness or introversion meant to me, they are inborn personalities or personal choices. They are something that I cannot change by myself. In the past, for the scale of 1 to 10, I might give myself a 3 or 4. As I grew older, I think I became more like 6 or 7, but I will never give myself 9 or 10 one day. I think I will never be a very active person to express myself, or someone to open a conversation.”
Does your introversion present any difficulties when speaking to authority figures or family?
“I think in terms of family, my quietness brings some difficulties. When there are some idea collisions, I will tend to evade some questions. I won’t argue about it. I think there is no problem to avoid on social occasions. For those who have conflicting ideas with me, I just keep distance with them. But for my family, I cannot keep distance from them. So when it comes to the point of contradiction, I will feel a little bit painful.”
How much do you think people around you, such as your family, coworkers, and friends, accept you as an introverted person? Do you think you are seeing more acceptance to be more introverted?
“I think a lot of my friends or coworkers do not think I am an introverted person. I discussed it with one of my colleagues before. I told her I am a very introverted person, but she thought I am not introverted or quiet at all. She thought I am a more extraverted person, and I have a misunderstanding about myself. After I did the BuzzFeed test, I even sent her my result.”
Are there any difficulties or different experiences you have as a quiet/introverted person in social occasions? In classroom/workplace settings?
“I feel that I miss many opportunities when I am more used to thinking about things myself, or cannot express myself readily. Like when I was still a student, I won’t actively interact with my teachers in class. For lectures, teachers or professors might think you are a thoughtless person. But I was just not sure how to express myself. When I didn’t 100% sure how to answer a question, or not fully prepared, I just won’t express my opinions. In the workplace as well, I tend to work quietly. Supervisors are busy as well; they won’t stop to care about all employees as teachers care about their students. They will never know your thoughts if you do not actively communicate with them.”
Do you have anything more you want to say about attending the notion of quietness and introversion?
“My feelings of being quiet or introverted are changing as I grew up. When I was little, people around me, especially my parents, thought that introversion caused their concerns. They expected me to be more extraverted, better at communicating with others. I used to be very negative about being introverted. I became less confident, and even felt a little bit inferior. Recent years, I have become more accepting of my quietness or introversion. When I started to accept my personality, I felt I face less issues with my introversion: more natural in communication, more confirmed with my own choices, more assured that I’m authentic to myself. I started to feel like it is not a negative thing to be a quiet person. There is no positive or negative about such things. It’s just we are trying to find the best way to get along with ourselves.”
“More about being expected to be extraverted when I was younger. I think it is because your values are not fully formed yet. Your understanding about yourself came from people around you, how they thought of you. You are very introverted, and people around you would think you are very timid or shy. Under such impact, you would act in the way which people thought you would be like. I feel like it is not a very good thing that people always relate introversion with inconfidence, but I think introverted people can be confident. It is just they have a different way to present their confidence.”
End Reflection:
I love to interact with different introverted or quiet people. I think they have a lot of insightful ideas. It is just that they won’t express themselves easily. I am in the process of getting more stories or thoughts from different types of introverts in the means they are most comfortable with. I don’t want to make any massive changes. What I hope to do is that I can show introverts’ world to this world a little bit more, so they will be understood by the world a little bit more. That’s merely it.