Hidden Sexism When Growing Up

By: Angela Ryan

“Can I get two strong boys to help me out here?” No matter your gender, this is a sentence that you’ve probably heard several times when you were younger. There was some table that needed moving, and the teacher doesn’t think twice about asking for some help with this simple little sentence. As a little girl, this sentence made my blood boil. And I know it did the same for many others. Normally, I just sat back and watched two boys in their neon basketball shorts run over to the teacher and help move whatever it was that needed moving. But, every now and then, I’d try to help. I’d always be met with the awkward, “Um… not you. [Insert male classmate]! Could you come help with this table?”, before I could even lay a hand on what needed to be moved. 

Looking back at these situations now, I never really understood the sexism that was ingrained into my childhood. I had never noticed or realized how often little girls were treated differently than little boys. I had only gotten frustrated when I wasn’t allowed to help. Only now do I realize why that was. From birth, sexism has been shoved down the throats of every little kid, no matter their gender. So many examples of this are just accepted as normal, so we never realize how sexist they actually are. If you actually take a look back at your own life and analyze your childhood, chances are, you’ll likely see several examples of sexism that has happened to you or around you.

Straight from birth, little girls are not treated the same as little boys. When families all crowd around a newborn little boy, he’s met with the remarks, “He’s so handsome! He’ll be such a lady’s man when he’s older.”, and everybody laughs it off. When a little girl is born, instead it’s, “She’s beautiful! You better protect her, god forbid she belongs to the streets!”, and it’s met with the same laughter as before. These two remarks, technically, imply the same thing. Yet, they’re also met with such different connotations.

As those babies grow up, they start to play with toys.  Let’s take a look at these toys and see what we notice. Girls got barbies-- dolls that were centered around dressing up, doing makeup, and making themselves look pretty. Girls also got baby dolls, pretending to feed them, bathe them, and put them to sleep-- teaching girls how to be mothers. Girls also got kitchen sets, starting them in the kitchen at a very early age so they can get used to cooking for their families when they’re older! Now, let’s compare that to the boys. Boys got Hot Wheels, building huge race car tracks and getting to watch their little cars zip by. They got legos, an open-ended toy where they could express their creativity and make whatever they wanted. While the little boys were creative and built cool structures, the little girls were practicing to be mothers and wives.

Progressing further into life, we get to elementary and middle school. Here, let’s talk about dress codes. When a girl wore shorts or a skirt that didn’t reach “fingertip length”, they’d be dress coded and ridiculed. If you could see a girl’s shoulders or belly button, they’d be dress coded and ridiculed. When girls protested and asked what was so scandalous about shoulders, the response would be met with, “Well, the boys are going to get distracted.” However, when it was time for the mile run, the boys were allowed to take off their shirts so they could cool off. But, when a girl’s running shorts were too short, they’d be ridiculed and warned. See the double standard?

Moving a little further to middle and high school, sexism was ever-so-present in the normal academic setting as well. When it was time to work on projects and groups were assigned, one thing that I’d notice was the difference between when a guy or a girl took charge of the group. When a guy took charge, assigning tasks and trying to make sure everything was done right, sometimes the teacher would remark that he was a “natural leader.” However, when a girl attempted to do the exact same thing, the teacher would say, “Hey, stop being so bossy. Let everyone else have a chance to do and decide things for themselves.” Girls were dismissed as leaders, and treated harshly if they tried to be one. 

When the time in my schooling years came where we began to have deep thought-oriented discussions, there was one thing that dug under my skin and still does to this day. I’ve noticed that in these discussions, girls always second guess themselves and weaken their points by doing so. No matter how amazing or completely valid and clear their point or argument is, they always preface or end their statements with, “...if that makes sense”, or “I may be wrong, but…”, or something else along those lines. However, when a guy speaks up and makes a point in discussions, the majority of the time I don’t hear these little phrases in their points. No matter how crazy the point is, there’s just that elevated feeling of confidence of being a male that guys are taught to have since childhood. Girls are taught to be small, and just take whatever is thrown at them without complaining, and just accept it. At the same time, guys are encouraged to be forward, confident, and do what they want.

That leads into my next point, the toxic phrase, “boys will be boys.” Whenever I tried to speak up about something boys were doing, I’d be met with the phrase “boys will be boys.” It was used as an excuse for anything and everything. When boys started running and chasing each other around the house, it would be met with laughter, and the phrase, “boys will be boys.” However, when the girls started running around the house playing, they’re told to stop and are criticized for being crazy and hyper. This phrase has extended to excusing things that shouldn’t be excusable. When guys have conversations about girls that are completely objectifying them--rating girls in their class, completely insulting how a girl looks, or playing those disgusting point-based games consisting of how much they could do with how many different girls--it’s met with the same excuse, “boys will be boys.” Donald Trump used an extension of this phrase when he tried to excuse the 2005 tape of him making disgusting comments about what he could do to women by saying that it was just “locker room talk.” Phrases like these downplay the damage of such actions made by boys and make girls and women feel invalid for speaking out against them. They’re ridiculed for being too sensitive, because “that’s just how boys are.”

After looking back at my childhood, I found countless instances where I and other girls experienced sexism growing up, and just accepted it as normal. Only after hearing accounts from others and actively looking back and trying to see things from a more educated perspective have I realized how sexism is so deeply embedded in the roots of our society, teaching these ideas to little boys and girls right from birth. I’ve never heard the phrases “be more gentlemanlike” or “girls will be girls”, and used to never think about why. Misogyny is such a normalized phenomenon in our society that it’s not even noticed. The first step to erasing this misogyny from our lives is to identify it and accept that it’s there. Don’t deny its existence. I urge you to put this into practice in your own life by looking back at how you’ve grown up and looking at your life now and identifying where and when you’ve seen such acts of sexism. Only then can we work to combat sexism, and allow the next generation to grow up in a world where little kids are treated the same, allowed the same opportunities, and held accountable for their actions to the same extent.