Fault-Finding

By: Sarah Son

“Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.” To be specific, these small minds are fault-finders, which according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, are people who habitually find fault, complain, or object, especially in a petty way. As a part of human nature we subconsciously search for faults in other people to feel better about ourselves, or just because their faults are annoying to us. Fault-finding is constantly active in our daily lives, and it is perfectly normal for all human beings! However, there is a certain extent where fault-finding becomes an overpowering element of our lives, and so it is really important  for everybody to know who fault-finders are, what kinds exist, the effects of being one, and finally ways to overcome the bad habit. 

So what exactly is a fault-finder anyways? Put simply, fault-finders are people who obsessively find fault in others and criticize. They often complain and harshly judge others based on trivial issues. Fault-finders are constantly telling others what they are doing wrong and or what they should be doing. They rarely, if ever, let a fault slip by, regardless of how insignificant. They often say phrases along the lines of  "you should have known better," "you should have helped me out when I was in this tight situation," or "you should have done what I wanted without me having to ask you." Among their most used vocabulary when criticizing others are the words "always" and "never", which are both highly argumentative and not typically justifiable terms. Another very common characteristic of fault-finders is that they counter-attack with criticism whenever they are criticized themselves. And of course, fault-finders would much rather hear the other person admit being wrong instead of listening to them defend themselves in a logical manner. 

The term ‘fault-finder’ itself is a pretty general term considering a varying range of fault-finder types exist. Let’s get to know a few of these, as described by Dr. Phil in his article. Starting with the scorekeeper: the meticulous fault-finder who keeps track of who wins each and every single argument and uses their success to fuel the dispute. The next type is called ‘your way or the highway’. To these people, they are always right and have no intention of hearing anybody else’s differing thoughts. They are ready to bicker and bite until the end, except that end is the end of their relationship with whoever they’re arguing with. The third type of fault-finder is the attack dog. These fault-finders create their criticism into something more vicious than normal conversation using fierce stares, harsh tone, and hurtful words. Attack dogs may feel glints of superiority while they’re at it, but this power play quickly turns into bitter shame once they look back at what they’ve done. Despite it being easy to transform into an attack dog, it’s much more difficult to mend the damage created. And now the final type, passive attackers. Rather than using words to criticize others, passive attackers aim to manipulate the person into doing what they think is ‘right’ so that when confronted, they can be clear of accountability. The only difference between passive attackers and other fault-finders is that passive attackers do their work obscurely, which in some aspects is worse because they are not only finding faults, they're also trying to hide it in shame. 

Now that we’ve learned about who fault-finders are and the types, let’s move on to the effects of being a fault-finder and how they affect your daily lives. Among the prominent effects of fault-finding, the one that probably affects you most is limits on happiness. No matter how cheerful the situation you’re in at the moment, there’s the pesky little thought at the back of your mind that screams, ‘this person and their fault’. Similarly, fault-finding promotes feelings of depression and stress as you spend a large chunk of your time looking for fault in others and expressing your distaste. As you might know already, one of the symptoms of depression is isolation. As you complain, become depressed, isolate yourself, and turn people off from wanting to get close to you, the important relationships that you’ve spent so long forming slowly unravel. There are even scientific effects to fault-finding. Although it is not proven that the effects of fault-finding, such as depression, are directly correlated to diseases such as cancer, there are several theories regarding depression, according to major health information provider, Healthline. One of these theories is that when you have depression, you’re prompted to resort to unhealthy coping mechanisms such as smoking, drinking, and overeating, which are all cancer risk-increasers. In addition to potentially increased risks of diseases like cancer, tendencies to point out people’s faults ground your creativity levels and destroy your curiosity because you’re limiting your capacity to grow as a person by focusing on the negative. 

Even though it is difficult to immediately stop when you’ve already started, there are ways to overcome your fault-finding habits even in a small way at the least. The first step is to just sit back and take a firmly honest look at yourself, and this applies to everyone, because in truth, all humans are fault-finders, just at different levels. Think back to the last time you critically commented on someone. Now think back to the last time you positively commented on someone. Which statement was said with more passion or intensity? Your answer might surprise you. Now think of the critical comment you gave. Try altering it into something more positive. For example, last week my sister accidentally rolled out the garbage bins on Wednesday, even though the garbage trucks visit on Thursday. When she did that, I merely told my sister to stop being so senseless. Now that I think about it, instead of bluntly describing her as senseless, I now realize I could have kindly encouraged her to make sure of what day of the week it was before taking out the bins in the future. Another way to tame your habits is to stop yourself from verbalizing negative opinions. Create a filter in your brain that decides which complaints are necessary and which should be left in your mind. Remind yourself that “If you don’t have something nice to say, keep it to yourself.” If your habits of fault-finding are driven by a person who affected you in the past, such as a punitive parent, move towards forgiving them for whatever they did, whether that be finding faults in you or doing something that had you triggered. Forgiveness is a key step in overcoming fault-finding. It sets you free, and besides, what is there to gain from resentment? Nothing! Choosing not to forgive is like willingly choosing to be trapped in a cage. If you want to take real steps in getting rid of fault-finding habits, you must be willing to meet your bad spirit face-to-face, recognize how it manifests itself in your behavior, and then quickly get yourself out of that mindset before it does even greater damage.

Fault-finding is perfectly human, normal, and considerably prevalent in our world. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with mild fault-finding, such as legitimate criticism. However the long term consequences of this shameful tendency make it critical for all to be well informed on who exactly fault-finders are, what types exist, the effects, and finally ways to overcome the bad habit. Remember that you are not alone! Even the most normal, intelligent people can resort to spiteful behavior when dealing with those they claim to enjoy being around. If you ever find yourself in a situation where you feel yourself looking for faults in others intentionally, or even unintentionally, I strongly encourage you to take action, and make a serious attempt towards becoming a good example of one who focuses less on the bad, and more on the good.